Integrity...Honestly?

 Truth Be Told

 

Today was one of those days when I was tested. My core values tried. As the clock announces bedtime is approaching, my stomach is still upset. It's hard to say if I made the popular choice, but my integrity held strong, and I did not compromise.

 

It started this morning with a phone call. An enthusiastic and kind voice on the other end called me to get information for next year. Truthfully, according to the paperwork, she did have the right person...me. I, however, had to make a choice. That choice was to speak the truth. While I wholeheartedly believe in something and feel I have the vision to do great things with it, my experience has not been a good one. The very thought of participating makes my stomach churn. Once a month, I get angry over this "thing."

 

After a very pregnant pause, I said, "I know this is not what you called about, but I feel the need to share with you my experience and why I am choosing NOT to participate." I then, very gracefully, shared with her my four-month saga of why I was declining her "invitation."

 

It saddened me, really. This "thing" was a dream. I had an incredible vision. I was willing to work for a better place. In the end, I realized I could not do it alone, and my ship-mates were--pirates, robbing us all of the gold.

She understood.

Then I was given an amazing opportunity.

It was right there in my inbox.

A carrot is dangling.

At first, I rushed and said, "Heck yeah," but after some thought, I realized that this opportunity was also a temptation. I had to weigh the situation. I had to look at it from a much larger scope. In the end, I wrote again and said, "It's just not worth the destruction of something I have absolute gratitude for."

She thanked me for my honesty.

 

So here I sit, not upon the "golden eggs" that bestowed me today, but in an empty nest. Twice today I had fists full of "gold" that I turned to dust.

 

Part of me has regret. I hear my inner self negotiating in that we wouldn't have turned villainess — the "what ifs" swarm my mind.

 

Truth be told. I'm proud of myself. I was a good example for my children. I exercised integrity...Honestly...sometimes it stinks!